I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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