He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize