Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
