I'm jealous of your bromance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
