Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
