I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
