We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
