OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
