Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize