I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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