this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
