I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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