You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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