Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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