Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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