Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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