when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think your dad took our porno
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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