How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
