well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Randomize
