Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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