i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But theres a keg here and me gusta
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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