I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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