If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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