How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
