My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
