Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
