i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
