Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
