i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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