He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize