just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
