I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
