Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
