Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
