She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
