my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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