all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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