whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
