Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
