This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
