I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
