I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This is the high leading the old right now
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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