Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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