sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize