I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
