Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
