How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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