P.S. I can't hear my feet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
