I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
