Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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