She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
