im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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