she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
