guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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