I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
