I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize