obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
