Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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