this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
