Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
