so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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