Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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