Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
