Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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