i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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