You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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